March 6, 2023

The Art of Saying No: A Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries.

What is Boundary?

A boundary is a limit or a line that separates one thing from another. In the context of personal relationships, boundaries are the limits and rules that individuals set for themselves to define their own personal space, values, beliefs and needs.

Benefits of Healthy Boundaries.

Boundaries help us to protect ourselves emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. They help us to take responsibility for our own actions, feelings, and lives. Setting healthy boundaries allows us to be true to ourselves and to respect the boundaries of others. It also helps in maintaining healthy and positive relationships, as well as protecting one’s own well-being.

Six Types of Boundaries.

There are several types of boundaries that people can set to protect their well-being and maintain positive relationships. Some common types of boundaries include (a):

Physical boundaries: These boundaries involve setting limits on physical contact and personal space. For example, setting boundaries around physical touch, such as not allowing someone to hug or kiss without consent.
Emotional boundaries: These boundaries involve setting limits on how much you share about your feelings and emotions with others. For example, not sharing personal information with people who don’t have a right to know.
Mental boundaries: These boundaries involve setting limits on how much time and energy you spend thinking about or worrying about other people’s problems.
Sexual boundaries: These boundaries involve setting limits on sexual behavior and intimacy. For example, setting boundaries around sexual activity and consent.
Financial boundaries: These boundaries involve setting limits on how much money you lend or spend on others. For example, not lending money to people who have a history of not paying it back.
Time boundaries: These boundaries involve setting limits on the amount of time you spend with others. For example, not allowing others to take up too much of your time or schedule.

Common Signs of Boundary Violation.

Boundary violations can take many forms, but some common signs that a boundary has been crossed include the following (b), (c), (d):

Feeling uncomfortable or uneasy: If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy around someone or in a certain situation, it may be a sign that your boundaries are being violated.
Feeling guilty or ashamed: If you feel guilty or ashamed for setting a boundary or saying “no,” it may be a sign that your boundaries are not being respected.
Feeling controlled or manipulated: If you feel like someone is trying to control or manipulate you, it may be a sign that your boundaries are being violated.
Feeling resentful or angry: If you feel resentful or angry after interacting with someone, it may be a sign that your boundaries were not respected.
Physical or emotional distress: If you experience physical or emotional distress after interacting with someone, it may be a sign that your boundaries have been violated.
Losing sense of self: If you feel like you’re losing a sense of yourself or your own needs and wants, it may be a sign that your boundaries are being violated.

It’s crucial to recognize and address boundary violations as soon as possible. Communicating clearly and assertively about your boundaries can help prevent future violations. And if the violation is severe or persistent, it may be necessary to seek professional help and keep healthy distance from the person who is crossing your boundaries.

How to Set Boundaries with Anyone.

Setting healthy boundaries is an important aspect of self-care and maintaining positive relationships. In fact, setting healthy boundaries can ward off unhealthy relationships and attract healthy individuals to get close to you. Here are six ingredients to setting healthy boundaries:

Be clear and specific: Clearly communicate your boundaries to others and make sure they understand what you expect from them.
Be consistent: Once you set a boundary, make sure to stick to it. This will help others understand what you expect from them.
Be assertive: Speak up for yourself and don’t be afraid to say “no” when someone is asking you to do something that goes against your boundaries.
Be willing to compromise: Be open to finding a middle ground and compromise when possible.
Be respectful: Treat others with respect and try to understand their point of view, even if it differs from yours. Use the “I” Statement to focus on your experience. This will reduce defensiveness.
Prioritize self-care and well-being: Set boundaries that will help protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
Accept some degree of discomfort: it is never easy to stand up to someone who is pushy or manipulative. Sometimes people don’t know they are crossing the line. As you assert your concerns, be willing to accept some degree of discomfort.

It can take time and practice to set and maintain healthy boundaries, but it is worth it for the sake of your own well-being and the well-being of your relationships.

When to Seek Professional Help.

Sometimes our lack of boundary-setting is deeply rooted in the family relationships and dynamics we were raised. The presence of addiction, abuse, and enmeshed family systems can stagnate the development of healthy boundary parameter. For example, in unsafe family dynamics we may develop codependent habits and learn to ignore our own needs over the needs of others. In these cases, seeking professional help can greatly enhance our self-awareness and improve our boundaries with others. In Panahi Counseling, we use different types of techniques to help our clients feel empowered to speak their concerns with confidence.