Attachment styles are a fascinating topic of study in psychology, as they can greatly influence the way we relate to others and form relationships. One attachment style that is often talked about is the avoidant attachment style. Many who identify as having an avoidant attachment style, find it hard to form deep and meaningful connections with others. In this blog post, we’ll explore what avoidant attachment style is and how it impacts our relationships.
What is Avoidant Attachment Style?
First, let’s define what avoidant attachment style is. People with an avoidant attachment style tend to be independent and self-sufficient, often valuing their personal freedom and space above all else. They may have grown up in an environment where they didn’t receive enough emotional support or validation from caregivers, so they learned to rely on themselves and avoid getting too close to others. As a result, they may have difficulty trusting and opening up to others in their adult relationships (a).
Difference Between Anxious & Avoidant Attachment.
Before reading further, it is important to differentiate avoidant attachment from anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for emotional closeness and intimacy, coupled with a fear that one’s partner may not reciprocate these feelings. On the other hand, avoidant attachment is characterized by a strong desire for independence and autonomy, coupled with a fear of being too dependent or vulnerable in a relationship. In general, individuals with an anxious attachment style may become clingy or demanding in relationships, while individuals with an avoidant attachment style may distance themselves emotionally from their partners (b).
Do I have An Avoidant Attachment Style?
Here are a few questions to help you figure out if you have an avoidant attachment style. Keep in mind that these questionnaires are rather a general checklist helping you identify avoidant attachment style. You may need to see a therapist to verify your type of attachment style (c).
- I find it difficult to allow myself to depend on others.
- People are never there when you need them.
- I find it difficult to trust others completely.
- I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others.
- I am nervous when anyone gets too close.
- Often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.
How Avoidant Attachment Style Affects Intimate Relationships?
So how do our relationships suffer because of avoidant attachment style? To begin with, individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to shy away from emotional openness and vulnerability in their partnerships. It may be difficult for them to establish trust and further their relationship since they may not feel confident communicating their needs or feelings to their partner. They could also find it difficult to keep committed relationships going because they might easily feel overwhelmed by their obligations (d).
Additionally, people with an avoidant attachment style may have a tendency to push others away when they feel like they are getting too close. This can lead to a cycle of intimacy and distance in their relationships, as they may crave connection one moment and then retreat into their independence the next. This can be confusing and hurtful to their partners, who may feel like they are on an emotional rollercoaster (e).
Is Avoidant Attachment Style a Permanent Condition?
It’s important to note that having an avoidant attachment style doesn’t mean that you are doomed to a lifetime of failed relationships. With awareness and effort, it is possible to change attachment styles and learn to form healthy, fulfilling connections with others. This may involve working with a therapist to address past wounds and learn new relationship skills, such as effective communication and emotional regulation.
If you relate to this attachment type, it’s important to understand how it’s influencing your relationships and take action to solve it. Even if it feels difficult at first, it is possible to create deep and meaningful connections with others with time and effort. Remember that you are deserving of love and connection and that there are individuals out there who are willing to come alongside you to establish a solid and healthy relationship.
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